Thoughts of an Idiot

A lesser known tolerance towards humanity is fed by individual parasites themselves; A turn at crossings where signals drive us blind, we all feed on our emotions and feed off the sentimental values of others. A little bit of this and little bit of that, love me, be my friend, think of me… and the me-mes go on in our daily survival. A turn of events, and one gets close to new people. Another turn of events and people part ways. Bound by family, children, mutual emotional attachment and responsibilities, we stick together… until a significant difference arises and we have to or feel the need to abscond ourselves from our familiar surroundings. Everyday mundane routine becomes of prime importance, and we fight to keep it going. A change disrupts our equilibrium, or in certain cases, change is the leverage. Looking for the next epinephrine rush, some may throw themselves to various extremities, and search for the next ‘high on life’ situation. A mesh of various little fragments, thoughts, actions, behavior differentiates us from others and also, connects us to others looking for a matching frequency in wavelength. Is that matching frequency fake or genuine? Many times, I’m left wondering, depending on the needs of people, my needs and my issues with trust. Creating an external invisible smiling façade with the look of an idiot, nodding and laughing, even in my ass-deaf predicament. I will befriend you, but I will not let myself go or lose control. I do not trust your ego, nor mine. You are looking to fulfill a need of yours, and I don't trust myself to be dependable. I have a fear, and it’s authentic. What seems easy for others, feels hard for me. What seems hard for others, I feel I can do it naturally. The lines of solemnity and solitude. The liberation of being an idiot is, undue freedom.