Samedi, le 23 août 2008

C’est beau. Tout est beau. Tous les choix sont beaux. Si, je choisi de m’isoler, c’est autant gracieux que de choisir d’être sociable. C’est mon choix, ma liberté, et j'ai le pouvoir de changer quand je veux. De garder l’esprit de bonté envers le monde et d'essayer de suivre la vérité. L'univers ne m'abandonnera pas.

Le voyage sans fric

Depuis mon retour en Inde, je vois en moi une incapacité. Une incapacité de dialoguer avec les autres. Je m’aperçois que lors de mon voyage aussi, je disposais de cette incapacité. Je pouvais m’introduire, et parler à la base, mais pas vraiment plus, sauf avec très peu de personnes. Et c’est mon cas.

Depuis, mon retour, je ne veux que m’éloigner de tout être humain, au point que je commence à ne pas les aimer. Je pense également que chaque mot dont ils parlent est absolument inutile, et ne mène en aucune manière à leur développement humain, ni au mien. Des mots à jeter à la poubelle.

Deux autres choses qui me traversent l’esprit :

- Les plus belles places dont j’ai visité, étaient toujours atteintes après des obstacles, soit perchées sur une montagne, soit à l’extrême sud dans le froid. Le voyage était en général long et fatiguant. Le plus épuisant le voyage, le plus grand l’obstacle, le plus haut bonheur que je ressentais à l’arrivée.

– Lors de la cérémonie du Candomblé, la majorité des touristes, moi inclus, ont ressentit la même chose. Très intéressant au début, mais après peu de temps, trop redondant et un peu lourd. Donc, même les choses les plus intéressantes au monde, lorsqu'elles deviennent redondantes, elles deviennent lourdes.

Le voyage interne est gratuit. Mais, c’est le voyage, d’après moi, le plus dur au monde. Donc, la beauté à destination doit être incroyable.

Il faut que je trouve une manière de garder ma vie toujours intéressante.

Back in Pune

During my last few days in Brazil, and upon reaching Pune, I have repeatedly been asking myself “how do I feel?”… I kind of knew it, but couldn’t put it into words. And then, I read a passage of Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations. And, it felt appropriate.

“Characteristic of the rational soul:
Self perception, self-examination, and the power to make of itself whatever it wants.

It reaps its own harvest, unlike plants (and, in a different way, animals), whose yield is gathered in by others.

It reaches its intended goal, no matter where the limit of its life is set. Not like dancing and theater and things like that, where the performance is incomplete if it’s broken off in the middle, but at any point – no matter which one you pick – it has fulfilled its mission, done its work completely. So that it can say, “I have what I came for.”

It surveys the word and the empty space around it, and the way it’s put together. It delves into the endlessness of time to extend its grasp and comprehension of the periodic births and rebirths that the world goes through.”

05.08 The End

I did 2 things today that I had not done before on this trip.

1st – I went into a mall. It was not my choice, it was a point of meeting with a hostel mate. Unfortunately, we both went to separate malls and missed each other.

2nd – I went to Starbucks. Yes, I dedicate this one to my sistah!

My shoes are practically dead. Two days ago, my earphones broke. In Sao Paulo, my wifi card miraculously started working after behaving like a bitch for 2 months, probably an indication that I should start concentrating on work.

I can feel it.

It’s the end.

I don’t know what I’m going to. I have no idea. I know that I have to work for money.
Tomorrow I board the plane.

03.08 & 04.08 Falling short

The people who have been there describe it as the roar of nature, its violence, its force. The place where you can see countless rainbows. The second largest waterfall in the world, the largest one in South America, and the most powerful one in the world. Foz do Iguazu. It’s compared to the devil’s throat – Garganta do Diabo.

I won’t see the waterfall. I’m lacking the resources. Instead, I’m spending my last few days in the concrete jungle of Sao Paulo.

Christopher McCandless said “Money makes us cautious” as he burnt his credit cards and gave away his savings to charity and set off to travel.

I don’t have his courage… Yet. Maybe someday I will give meaning to this Yet. Maybe not.
I don’t know. I have met people on this trip who have his courage.

A friend of mine wrote to me saying your baggages are full, and your pockets empty - this is the closest you can be to Freedom! :) :)

02.08 Back in Sao Paulo

In big cities you can get lost. That is exactly the feeling I get when I walk in Sao Paulo. I feel so small and minuscule when I walk around the tall buildings, the constant traffic and the wave of people. I like to feel lost.

I had seen a picture of the Rua 23 de Março and was attracted to that place. The picture didn’t lie. A small street filled with people walking like an army of ants amidst all the junk that is sold on that street. I could best compare it to Laxmi Road of Pune, but that wouldn’t be a fair comparison. This is done in Brazilian style! Which means music, all kinds of people, and a lot of thumbs up! Did I mention that the Brazilians love to give the thumbs up for everything? Well, they do. And I picked up on the habit here…

As I walked along, I stumbled on a street concert and later outside an instruments shop, there was a band playing jazz music. Big cities! What can I say? Love them!

There was an episode in “friends” when Chandler calls Joey from an ATM vestibule and mutters “mmm..mmm…mmm..mmm” – translation “I’m stuck in an ATM vestibule with iforgothername (a model’s name)”….

Well…..

“mmmm…mmm…mmm…mmm…mmm…mmm…mmm…” – translation “I was stuck in an ATM vestibule not with a model but with an old Brazilian man!”

I’m glad that I was stuck with somebody, because I would have gotten more fucked if I was alone. He was able to shout in Portuguese at the people on the streets to help us. My heart did skip a beat when I slid my credit card under the door at the woman who said she would open the door for us! She returned it to me. Maybe, she had photographic memory and remembered my credit card number by heart!?

C'est l'anniversaire à Dada!!! :)

01.08

Last night in Salvador I went for the Balé Folcloric de Bahia spectacle. It was a ballet about candomblé, capoeira, a fire dance, how farmers used to train to fight while farming and the flirting through samba.

The real Candomblé that I saw was much more intense and so had a much greater impact on me. Here, I had no questions, it was a show, and the performers were dancing to entertain us.

The whole ballet was beautiful. The music was out of this world. Africans are beautiful.

This morning I bid farewell to Bahia.