Mercredi, le 26 décembre 2007

The air was murky; the dust of pollution clouded the atmosphere surrounding the city, creating, along with its aura of crepuscule, a somber yellowish orange glow. If it was not for the intense depth of effluence, the moment could have been compared to a page of a fantasy novel, where fairies and gnomes would suddenly emerge magically from their land of mysteries and enchantment.

The deafening sound of the traffic, the sound of people following their chosen paths leading each of them towards their own destiny, and, my own path, an attempt to look at myself from above and trying to contemplate living in awareness, along with the vociferous volume of the Ella Fitzgerald CD, as she pours her soul into the music - all this encompasses my bubble of serenity and complexity, and enthralls my senses as I try to make and join the pieces of puzzle of what I call my life.

She sat under the signal post. She sat in a crouched position and captured my glare and continued to look straight towards me in silence. She wore a blue salwar khameez, and a pink dupatta covered part of her hair. Beneath the scars that her face carried, the beautiful woman that once was, still existed. Her brown eyes, her hardened hair, her hands and feet that bore the marks of a hard life didn’t dampen the beauty that her eyes conveyed. She continued to look, without smiling or without being suppliant for a scrap of bread or a measly 2 rupees. People passed her by, and so did the traffic; I wondered if life did. As the traffic signal turned green, I passed her by. She would continue to sit in her bewildered calmness under the signal post and probably catch the glare of another onlooker.

I saw her for 3 days continuous.

Now, she’s not under the signal post. And, I miss her.

Merry Christmas.

Jeudi, 20 décembre 2008

The promise of a new book
The teardrop gently stroking my cheek, as I complete a book that identified me
The discovery of a new song that makes my heart skip a beat
The remembrance of an old song that I love intensely
Hundred kilometers per hour on a freeway with deafening music vibrating my soul
Radiohead’s Talk Show Host on a crowded street stuck in traffic jam
Caressing someone that wants to be caressed
Being caressed when I need it
The utterance of words confirming my affection towards someone
Knowing that I am appreciated
Giving a gift to someone who least expects it
The anticipation of meeting someone I like
The anticipation of a new journey
The anticipation to travel
The anticipation of the new
Transforming the anticipation into happiness
The process of doing the right
Reaping the fruits of doing the right thing
Learning to accept the failures after doing the right, and finding calm in acceptance
Forgiving oneself….forgiving oneself…forgiving oneself
Learning from my failures, to be bolder, wiser, and more prominent
The strength I find in myself to take-in, explore, leap and do…
and experience…the bad as well as the good…with my smile
The achievement of reaching a goal
The path I chose to achieve that goal
The smile on my face
The truth I utter when it needs to be uttered
The silence I find myself in as I sway in the wanderings of my imaginary world
The silence I seek and I find
The dancing in the streets while I walk, with no care of stares
The loud singing and ecstatic dancing behind the wheels
The affection I feel from friends and family
My parents’ eyes when they are proud of me
My work, my money, my gifts and my abilities
The universe of options and possibilities that are at my behest
My freedom to choose my path
My freedom
My Life

Thank you.

Mardi, 11 décembre 2007

Perdre l’essence de ma fragrance
Je sens les pétales de la jonquille
J’aspire son odeur pour remplir mes sens
L’oiseau se pose sur le pollen
Eclabousse le jaune sur mon visage
Un vent doux caresse les grains ornés
La montée d’aspiration
Arrive d'emblée jusqu’à sa fin
Quoi maintenant ?
Me poses-je la question
La réponse est dans l’air vide imaginaire
De mon devant
Sans oublier mon arrière
La vie en circulaire
La vie en flèche vers le but
La vie comme un champ vaste
Où les frontières sont l’infinité
En plein milieu ou en plein début
Quel est le début ou la fin ou même le milieu
Dans un monde sans frontière
La bascule du corps, de l’esprit, de l’âme
Pour une restitution vers le point zéro
Le zéro de moi, le zéro que je suis
Les hommes marchent
Je suis homme
Je marche aussi.

Samedi, 1er Décembre 2007

It was the morning of his 18th birthday. He had hardly slept the previous night; Nerul pretended to be sleeping when his mother slipped into the room two hours earlier to keep his gift on the desk.

He found it particularly difficult to get off his bed this morning. He finally managed to pull himself up and walked towards his desk. He picked up the envelope his mother had placed, and read the inscriptions marked on it –

“To Nerul, your wings are now fully grown; it’s time for you to fly to your independence. Explore, discover and achieve your dreams. Love always, Mom.”

He opened the envelope and found a one way ticket to San José, Costa Rica. The previous month, Nerul had received a confirmation of acceptance on his scholarship to complete his bachelor’s degree in marine biology in the University of Alajuela. He was to leave in 20 days. He smiled, and put the flight ticket back into the envelope. At the time, he did not know that this would never happen, and that today would be the day of his disappearance.

When he was 12, Nerul’s father had left his family in the lurch, while pursuing a separate life with his mistress who had come to bear his child. Since then, Salina, took the sole mantle of bringing up her only child, Nerul, and, of supporting both of them by working two jobs. Nerul had grown to consider Salina not only as his mom but also his friend and confidant.

“Do you have it?”

Nerul turned to his left and looked outside the window. It was a bright morning and the rays of the Sun were precariously penetrating his window like golden arrays of escalators inviting him towards its heart of bright yellow fire.

“Hi.” Nerul responded.

“Today is the day, isn’t it?” the Sun added.

“I presume it is, but I haven’t finished working on my thermal shawl.”

It was 3 years ago that Nerul had discovered that he possessed the gift of communicating with all the elements of the universe. The Sun had been the first to speak to him, but eventually, he would be able to speak with other elements, including the wind, the earth and water. Through his gift, he had managed to discover a number of unanswered scientific questions, but for fear of being ridiculed, he kept his secret to himself. The Sun had convinced Nerul that he would help him create a special fabric, and that if covered in it, he would be able to partake in a unique journey into the Sun and experience wonders that stretched beyond any of mankind’s imaginations. Nerul had worked on this fabric for 2 years, and today would have been the day he completed his creation, except that he was very circumspect about his end product.

“So what will it be?” asked the Sun.

“I don’t know.”

“The choice is yours. You know the risks and benefits involved. But, you are the only one in charge of your next step which will help determine the path you lay down before you.”

With uneasiness in his stomach, and a fear that made his hands quiver while picking up the thermal shawl and wearing it, Nerul climbed on the ledge of his window and looked straight into the Sun.

“I am ready,” he said.

The next step was the most difficult footstep he had to endure in his lifetime. He mustered all the faith stored within him, closed his eyes and put his left foot forward looking for non existing ground.

Subsequently, Nerul felt himself being dragged by an uncontrollable energy, he felt his shawl disintegrate, his clothes and skin being burnt away and ripped into pieces, melting in the surrounding environment. His lips and nostrils seemed to be breathing hot lava, he felt suffocated, smothered, being turned into a ball of fire. He could feel his insides being torn apart. He had never felt such excruciating pain, and was only hoping that the moment he died would be soon, so that this torture would end. His eyes saw only deep orange and yellow, until everything went dark.

Nerul opened his eyes and looked at the golden adorned vast forest surrounding, it felt as though he had already been here, but couldn’t place the location in his memory. It was unknown to him but felt, at length, like home. He then looked down at his starch naked body. He felt neither cold nor warm, a sense of calmness filling his every pore of being.

“Hello, Nerul. How do you feel?”, the Sun uttered.

“What happened? Where am I? Am I dead?”

“No, you are not dead. You are within me, the Sun. And I am within you.”

“So the shawl worked?”

“No, it did not. It was never meant to. But you worked. You took the leap and here you are.”

“So if it was never meant to, why did I work on it for so long?”

“Because you were not ready; today, you were, as you’ve shown it. You would not have taken the leap earlier. How do you feel?”

“I don’t know… calm, I guess. But…”

“There is no ‘but’ over here. ‘But’ implies a contradiction, it will not help you move on and make your next choice. There is now, and there is here, and there are possibilities.”

“So, now what?” asked Nerul.

“Now, you lie down and let me take care of you. The energy that surrounds you and that is within you here is always at your disposal to help you consider your possibilities and your choices. You have to take awareness of this energy and this will help you fulfill the path that you opt to tread on.”

“What about my mom? And Costa Rica? Shouldn’t I be going back home?”

“You can, if you want to. Or you can see the sights of this wondrous universe you’ve reached.”

“I don’t know… I should be going back… But…Can I get some clothes? I feel uncomfortable being naked.”

“Make your decision and abide by it. It ultimately all leads to the same goal.”

“What about….”

“Stop. I am the Sun. I provide energy to all living things on Earth and to many other planets that you are not aware of. I am the source of life and have been for billions of years. If I can take care of more than a trillion living and ‘non living’ organisms, don’t you think you can put your faith in me who has opened my doors to you?”

Not knowing why, Nerul felt himself lying down on the earth, his naked body feeling a tingling of warmth, and as he let himself go, he was finally completely free as a new dawn began to unveil upon him.