Relearning to see the world with children's eyes

When 2011 begun, I felt that it would be a bit of a blah year. In retrospect, it hasn’t been. I rediscovered and re-fell in love with India, discovered Capoeira and a new Capoeira family that made me want to rent an apartment for the first time for a relatively long period. Well, having lived the past 3 years in fragments of 3-4 months in different places, 11 months does feel relatively long. I can finally do a hand stand against the wall, which I consider to be my biggest achievement of the year. I did not see as many sunrises as I would have liked to, but the sunrise on 16^th May at an altitude of approximately 4000 meters more than made up for the missed sunrises during the year. And Dominik and I caught the last sunrise of the year over the Ganges in Varanasi. You know that your year couldn’t have been too bad when some of the first words you hear on 31st December morning is a Swiss accented “Surya Hai!” while standing in a balcony overlooking the sacred River.

When 2011 begun, I was already hoping it would be 2012, because I felt 2012 would be special. I still have that feeling, I don’t know why.

Over the past year or so, I've been having difficulty connecting to things, moments and people on a level I wish that I could and, I have been experiencing an incessant little void within. I’m happy to have the ability to not be affected by certain negative things, but would like to experience the positive and feel the warmth fullness inside that I have experienced in the past, and that has been lacking this year. This was accentuated in Petra, on a starlit night when thousands of candles adorned the alleyway and the main structure, and a man was singing beautiful Arabic songs, and I felt nothing. I found it beautiful, but it didn’t affect me as I know it would have earlier.

I hope that 2012 will lead me to the path of rediscovering/discovering the fullness within.

Starting the year near the Mahabodhi Temple in Bodhgaya and welcoming the New Year over a cup of chai with 2 people I love may be promising. :)

Well, if all else fails and dooms day prevails, hopefully, our sense of humor reigns through.

Happy New Year!

This morning

A bright sunshiny morning. Madeleine Peyroux for sweet laziness. The sky is cloudless.
Incense burns. The walls need more color.

Who's a doesn't listen person?

His airflow had been obstructed. Constant grip on the handle. Drive my life. The leaf was dancing in the wind. Now it’s crushed in the palm of your hands. We make our own decisions and they bind us. Why don’t I allow myself to fly away? A state of mind, it’s just a state of mind. Graceful movements, a flowing game. Love perpetrates the body and it becomes so easy. Tears roll down, I smile. I am alive because I’m hurting. The healer takes a knife, cuts the chest open and rips apart the heart, alive and beating, and laughs over it, “Organ, just another organ that keeps you alive", he whispers before sucking the blood with his lips. Smack! All is just pragmatic and radical, none of it is emotional or spiritual. The green of plants is spiritual. Lhasa, her soul, her voice and her music are spiritual. They help elevate. I have a headache. A slip of the tongue, and a word enslaves you, until acted upon, until we bear its consequence. A run of the mill dance, an everyday act, and fakeness may become reality. True to oneself and learn how to drive people away. Loneliness vs. Aloneness. Choose the latter and smile. Walk proud, head down, shoulder straight. She is a doesn't listen person, she says.