Samedi, le 31 mai 2008

i am alone
i am alone
i am alone
i am alone
i am alone

when will i finally realise this truth?

joyeux anniversaire papa pour tes 62.

Vendredi, le 30 mai 2008

Askew Venetian blinds shadowed the sun as it glowed at its strongest
The small little African village reminiscent of his natural imperfect character
The man kept to himself
But continued to offer the world the bounty of his virtues
Trying to detach himself from the elements of this world
And the ideas he had grown to look as requirements;
Walking alone, silent in his conversations,
Silently indulging in making himself stronger
As he went about trying to fulfill his needs
And learning to accept what was not to be his
Balancing his actions and his thoughts in an effort to never give up
On keeping on going
He would try to teach himself
To become the nothing man
The nothing man is not attached
And thus, abstains from dependency
And attains total and complete freedom
Crowning the realm of his existence
Given the chance to explore this human “reality”
The nothing man tried to dwell deep into his own
And gain the notion that surpasses understanding of the living
Do the living
Be the living
And fulfill the living unto its completion
Lost in words, actions and thoughts, he tried to captivate the essence and scent
Of what it was to be
The whole of his self, the truth of his self
The non understanding
I have my breath; I continue living until I don’t.

Samedi, le 24 mai 2008

I opened my eyes and found myself perched on a ledge
I looked down and could see nothing but the blue sea
My attempt to recollect how I had wound up here failed me
I looked up and faced the blue sky
Around me, the infinity of the ocean
I noticed that my wooden ledge had no support
I pinched myself; it hurt.
My ledge was suddenly thumped into the sea with a splash
And then, I had a strong wish for a pineapple
I turned my head and saw that floating beside me was a big pineapple
I reached out for it, but was swamped by water
I dived into the ocean
I dived deeper and deeper
Until I reached RED
I could see a red couch and red walls in a red room,
A red corridor leading to a red alley and then giving way to a red avenue
Filled with red buildings, red cars and red people
I turned around
A very large red mirror reflected the whole red world in twice its size
My reflection was white
I reached out for my reflection
And I found my hand rested on the bosom of a beautiful African woman
Embarrassed, I withdrew my hand
Clad in a green embroidered sarong, a white light cotton wrap around her chest and a bright red cloth turban, she smiled gently
I was now in a vast field of hay
Black women cultivated the field
The sun was shining bright and strong
The sweat of my body dampened my shirt
I thirst for water
I walked to a pond
I clawed my hands into the water and trusted the water into my mouth
In the middle of the pond, resting on a lotus leaf lay a frog
The frog croaked
“Give me that strawberry”
Perplexed, I looked at the frog
The frog nodded to my left - “Give me that strawberry”
I pinched myself; it hurt.
I grabbed the strawberry and put it down on the lotus leaf
“Frogs don't eat strawberries”, I said.
The frog swooped in the strawberry
“All you need to remember, is to breathe”, it said.
I looked at him perplexed.
“All you need to remember, is to breathe”, it repeated.
“All you need to remember is to breathe”
“All you need to remember is to breathe”
“All you need to remember is to breathe”, it wouldn’t stop repeating.
“All you need to remember is to breathe”
“All you need to remember is to breathe”
Whiteness

Jeudi, le 22 mai 2008

A permanent color to render the scent of my living

Green is the color of my venture towards freedom
Yellow of the bright sunshine, an open smile
Inviting me to be effervescent
Red, the fight in me that attempts to never give up
Black, the morose humor to take refuge in against sufferance
Blue, eternal blue of the sea and the sky where I get lost in ecstatic deliverance
White, the peace that we shall all one day achieve
Fragrant smell of the maroon cocoa, as I splendor in its paradise rendering taste
Orange of the fire that yearns for more
Purple, as Jimi Hendrix’s purple haze
Gray for a day where alcohol will help forget
Transparent as my forthcoming character
A combination of all colors to portray the reality of what is my life

A little taste of freedom.

30 years, 360 months, 10950 days, 262800 hours, 15768000 seconds and countless number of breathes. Decided to get a bit disconnected from the world and switched off my mobile.

I was fortunate enough to receive the gift I had hoped for. 1h30 drive from Pune, with loud music, across small villages, hills and a dam, you can find the Pavna lake. There, I got a little taste of what it feels like to be a bird. Big bag attached to me and the paraglider, a little hop, and I was away in the sky. Flying above the lake, in level with the hills, and looking at the birds below me gliding as well – it was meditative. My little taste of freedom, of flight, of letting go and of learning to trust the winds.

Samedi, le 10 mai 2008

have i become one of them? one of the many that walk the streets ?

maybe i always was one of them.... and just disillusioned.

Mercredi, 7 mai 2008

Un répertoire où on enregistre toutes les pensées humaines pour plus tard aller les chercher. Un silence de feu, une puissance épanouissante. Tout est tranquille dans l’eau perturbante. Ce méli-mélo, ce fracas pour l’expérience du non connue. Une âme seule, un guerrier armé de force pour survivre. Interne, interne, interne. Le monde interne cache ses fascinations, son hypnose, la magie invisible qui pourrait nous enchanter si on y tentait de l’apprivoiser. C’est quoi la négoce de tous les jours ? L’aise de la bienfaisance ne naquit pas d’un effort sans efforts. Le point n’est guère un point tel que son trajet. Le point est la finalité. Est-il bien la finalité ? Le point n’est-il pas un cercle ? Le cercle qui nous entourera et qui nous amènera en rond du début jusqu'à la fin, pour y recommencer, toujours? Se laisser aller. Plus facile dire, que faire. Nager dans la profondeur de l’océan pour y trouver un nouveau monde. Dépasser les limites de notre vision, de notre corps, de notre savoir. Fureur de vivre. Fureur ! Fureur ! Fureur ! de vivre… de survivre... d'éclater dans la vie... d’exploser d’une vie sensible. Remplir le récipient à ras de bord.

D’essayer, c’est la victoire. De réussir, c’est la satisfaction. D'échouer, c’est la leçon. De se reprendre après l’échec, c’est la force.

Lundi, le 5 mai, 2008

Heaviness,
Falling down,
Waiting to rise again
My will shall carry me
Out of this situation
I will see the dawn again
Stuck in the night
For too long
The darkness entangled me
I will see the dawn again
After my freefall
The hardness of the floor
Broke my fall
Hurt, and bruised
I can hardly move
In the stillness of my immobility
I look around
For my will
My will and my faith will not let me down
I will get up and rise again
To be able to walk again
My limbs and my body may be shattered
But the healing spirit
Shall numb me of my pain
In its process to reach my ecstasy once again
My smile will be genuine
No more fakeness
In truth I shall try to sow my life
My silence is my refuge
Into invisibility I shall pass
To find my new visibility

Bangalore, Puttaparthi, Hampi

On January 8th, I came back from Kerala. I left for Bangalore on April 18th. 3 months and 10 days - for me, that's an eternity to just remain in Pune. Operation South America was on - and, I am proud to say, that from my side, the preparations for my mission have been nearly accomplished. Now, i'm just waiting for the damned stamp on my visa allowing me to enter their countries.

Bangalore has pavements. Not the best pavements in the world, but compared to Pune, your chances of being run over by a moving "element" (read cows, bulls, goats, along with cars, scooters, etc.) are far less. Bangalore was worth it for my two cousins, my aunt, and meeting up with my friends. The sindhi 1st floor party where i was literally shoved a bottle of beer up my mouth...that part i'd rather forget. let me clarify - i don't mind the beer part that much...it's the shoving up my mouth, that i have a problem with.

Baba has stopped giving darshans in the morning. But on thursday, as i sat in magnificient, magnificient Puttaparthy, he chose to come out for a few bhajans and the aarti. i still can't get over his automatic car which transforms his seat into a wheel chair. after bhajans, he went out, and as we waited outside for his return, i got a very nice darshan of him. It was 42 degrees in puttaparthy. I had planned to stay on for the afternoon darshan, but after i ate my nice punjabi lunch, i sat on a bench and started reading. next thing i knew, i was lying on the bench, and kind of hugging my book and....yes... SLEEPING. when i opened my eyes, i was drenched in sweat, and noticed that onlookers were taking a keen interest on me. it's when i noticed that i could almost fry an egg on the bench, that i decided that the morning darshan was good enough and made my way back to bangalore in the nice ac car. yes, i also had a translation assignment to complete... i work when i travel...or should i say i travel as i work? i don't know? :)

what does a bus driver do when he accidentally lets a toll receipt fly out of his window? he gets down to look for it at midgnight, and when he can't find it...he obviously goes on reverse gear in the highway!!! yes, that ought to solve the problem!

what do you do when you're done with visiting a temple and want to tell your group "let's go back"...
well, the man in the white dhoti and red pagdi had the answer. he shouted:
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" at the top of his voice at the entrance of the temple for more than 10 minutes. his friends, unfortunately for everyone, didn't get his meaning.

and the village girls? how do they let you know they like what they see? yes, yes...Vishvesh and i got checked out by village girls! :)
well, it's obvious...they look at you and shout "TIC TIC!! TIC TIC!!!"
unfortunately, we didn't speak this secret language of looowwee! and so, we were unable to retaliate.

finally, what do two chyuts who think they are ultra-modern (strong indian accent) indian boys do when they're out in 42 degrees heat? well, they cycle around Hampi! yes, we definitely got our indian genes intact - we're as mad as the remaining billion!

but, cycling and walking and crossing the river through huge pillars after getting fucked by the boat guy...although all that in terrible heat...was simply put - awesome. and so was just sitting 7 hours at mango tree restaurant and doing..well, absolutely nothing. :)

ps: the picture attached is a gift from my cousin Shivani - a painting of the Little Prince.

Jeudi, 1er mai 2008

i stumbled upon a stone
a tiny pebble, upon my path.
i picked it up and threw it as far
as my strength would allow me.

before throwing it,
i made a pact with the pebble:

up on the road as i will walk along,
we shall meet once again,
and this time instead of making me stumble,
you shall help me carve my path.